In the Corner

In the Corner

The Braille Monitor

February 2003

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In the Corner

by Patti Gregory-Chang

Patti

Gregory-Chang

From the Editor: Patti

Gregory‑Chang is one of the leaders of the NFB of Illinois. In the following

story she puts her finger on one of the problems all blind people face at one

time or another. The support, understanding, and camaraderie she describes demonstrate

the value of the Federation family. This is what she says:

Our experiences as blind

people sometimes differ from those of our sighted neighbors. On occasion it

takes another blind person to really get it. When I think about how we as blind

people need each other, one particular episode comes to mind.

Debbie Stein and I have

been friends for almost a decade. We met at an NFB chapter meeting. Some years

ago Debbie and I walked along a quiet neighborhood street on the way to a school

function for Debbie's daughter. Debbie explained to me that our trek to the

gym was really a precursor to the main event, a dinner to be held that weekend.She

went on to tell me that all of the mothers of seventh-grade students were expected

to prepare this dinner for the soon-to-graduate eighth-graders and their families.

Since her daughter Janna was in seventh grade, Debbie felt she ought to take

part in this school tradition. Mrs. Arscott, one of the event organizers, had

even told her she was welcome.

As soon as Debbie began

talking, I knew she did not want to help in the school kitchen. With a wrench

of empathy, I knew exactly why. "Yeah, you mean you don't like standing

in the corner 'keeping other people company,'" I said before Debbie finished.

Debbie

and I then talked about the frustration of being pushed off to the side during

family events and fundraising functions at our kids' schools and clubs. We agreed

about how difficult it was to communicate to our sighted friends, families,

and coworkers that this shunting aside made us feel angry and unwilling to participate.

I

expressed the bewilderment I feel whenever I return to Michigan for family functions.

When I was a teenager my stepmother refused to let me beg off from chores, no

matter how elaborate or pitiful my excuses. She helped to make me the self‑sufficient

mother, lawyer, and wife I am today. Yet now this same stepmother politely insists

that she doesn't need me to set the table or help with wedding preparations

for her grandchildren's nuptials. "You're on vacation," she tells

me, and "It's easier if I do it myself."

Debbie

echoed my feelings about the stand‑in‑the‑corner syndrome.

I felt incredibly connected to her and other blind people during that walk because

this is one of the things that sighted people just don't get. No explanations

and euphemisms were necessary. Debbie and I communicated without having to articulate

our complete thoughts.

Equally important to me,

we went on to explore ideas about how to get around the problem. Debbie decided

to confront the issue head-on.

As soon as someone mentioned

the upcoming dinner preparations and asked if she would be there, Debbie agreed

to come upon one condition. She said that she would come if she could really

help, not just stand in the corner. Pam Arscott took in what she was saying.

She assigned Debbie to make salads for the dinner. Debbie fully participated

by ripping lettuce and slicing tomatoes like all the other mothers who worked.

Recalling this walk helps me remember one of the most important reasons why

I belong to the National Federation of the Blind. Debbie and I met through the

NFB, and through our shared experiences and exchange of ideas we have overcome

some of the well‑intentioned discrimination we both deal with regularly.

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