Equality in the Religious/Spiritual Community

Equality in the Religious/Spiritual Community

Future Reflections Spring 1999, Vol. 18 No. 1
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Belonging On Terms
of Equality Within the Religious/Spiritual Community
by Lauren L. (Eckery) Merryfield

Reprinted from the News from Blind Nebraskans
newsletter, 1996, Issue 4, the newsletter of the NFB of Nebraska.
Editor’s Note: The
meeting of the group to which Mrs. Merryfield alludes in the following introduction
laid the foundation for a new division in the NFB. In 1997 the group organized
into the National Association of the Blind in Communities of Faith.Here is what
Lauren Merryfield has to say on this topic:
Author’s
Introduction: This presentation was made at a meeting of Federationists
interested in problems and solutions to the full inclusion of blind persons
within the religious/spiritual community. This meeting occurred at the NFB annual
National Convention in Anaheim, California, on July 1, 1996.
I was a panelist
along with the Reverend Robert Parrish, Mike and Barbara Smith, and the Reverend
Sam Gleese. I hope their comments will be published also; they were wonderful.
I was asked to speak for five-to-seven minutes.
I have so much to say on this subject that my first draft would have taken thirty-six
minutes to present. Whittling it down to the “bare bones” was difficult
and time-consuming. As I am retyping this for publication, I may very well “put
some of the meat back on the bones” as I go along.
It is now November of 1996 as I submit this
article for publication. I am remembering how, shortly after the meeting in
July, a young woman approached me tentatively, nearly whispering with unnecessary
guilt. She knew something was missing in her spiritual search but she could
not figure out what it was. When she began to realize she was being treated
differently and that this situation was not contributing to her spiritual growth,
she felt guilty and was afraid to think about it, let alone talk about it. She
harbored a certain fear that maybe some people were right; maybe God did think
less of her. She was nearly in tears when she told me that after our meeting,
she felt closer to God. She finally felt the support she had been missing.
I do not know the name of this person, but
I believe she could have been any of us. Certainly it seemed like a reflection
of me.
I believe that working toward equality in
family functioning, education, socialization, and employment are paramount in
improving the lives of blind persons. However, the most important factor of
all is our conscious contact with our Creator. When interference with our spiritual
growth seems apparent, it becomes necessary, on the human level, to work toward
effecting positive change. Our inclusion is not just a social process or a political
stand—our inclusion is part of the process of our spiritual growth—our
continued improvement in the practice of the presence of God, or whatever term
one chooses to use.
Here
are the remarks I made at the 1996 meeting:
Good
afternoon! My name is Lauren Eckery. My formal education includes a master’s
degree in Social Work, (partially funded by my 1986 NFB scholarship) and several
courses through Unity School of Christianity.
I’ll begin
by stating that I am concerned about using the term “religious” without
the balancing term “spiritual” in the name of this group. Religion
often pertains to ritual, dogma, judgmentalism, and other human-made concepts.
Spirituality, on the other hand, relates to who we truly are—deep within
our souls—practicing the presence of God (or whatever one chooses to call
our Creator).
Religion may
or may not include spirituality. One may be very spiritual without being particularly
religious. Most of us practice some of both in our lives, therefore, I would
like to find both terms in our name when we formally organize. This would include
more of us and more of the situations which we face.
The apparent
lack of inclusion goes far beyond what any one of us chooses to call our Creator.
The problem also pervades the setting, including, but not limited to, the church,
mosque, synagogue, spiritually oriented meetings, such as twelve-step programs,
and other support systems with which we may affiliate.
Many blind persons
have experienced quite a number of obstacles to full inclusion in their religious/spiritual
community. We have had less access to the collection plate; hymnals, textbooks,
Sunday bulletins, newsletters, and other printed materials; transportation;
social activities; and teaching and leading opportunities. But most of all,
we lack being accepted as an equal.
The problem
is further intensified by the fact that whenever we relocate to another setting,
even in our own hometowns, no matter how far we have progressed, it’s like
reinventing the wheel.
Here are some
examples of problems that I have personally faced through the years. I am absolutely
certain that I am not alone in these experiences, though many of us have felt
reluctant to bring these issues out in the open. However, discussing the problems
as they are will lead to solutions as we promote our equal inclusion.
Since I was
very young, people have told me “ You’ll see someday in Heaven, Honey.”
I’m glad I’m not waiting around for that, but living my life right
now.
When I’ve
offered to help, some people say they don’t need any help, then go across
the room and ask a sighted person to help.
When I desire
to contribute something, I’m often reminded of how I am only expected to
be a receiver, not a giver. Access to the collection plate or bag has been a
consistent problem. It seems rude to me how the thing gets passed in front,
above, behind and around me, as if I am not even there. Sometimes I mail my
money in so I know the church will get it. I’d like some of my church members
to visit our Friday session at this convention of the National Federation of
the Blind and see how well we collect funds for our organization when we “pass
the buckets” to some 3,000 blind people!
I’ve been
admonished that as long as I am physically blind, I am unhealed—if I prayed
more, tried harder, I could see. I believe blindness is a different way to be;
not a sick, sinful, or incomplete way to be.
I’ve also
been told that blindness symbolizes difficulty with perception of any kind.
Logical conclusion: all blind people have perception difficulties in general.
But this is simply not true.
I’ve been
advised that my blindness means that I am not created in the image and
likeness of God. But who else’s image would it be, if we believe in one
Creator? This image is big enough, broad enough, and diversified enough to include
us. God does not make mistakes, and blind people are not mistakes.
Certainly,
when a situation or condition can be improved, God’s creativity and healing
power are wonderful! However, when some people do not “get over” situations
or conditions, this is not proof of failure, on their part or God’s. We
are all well and whole in spirit.
Sometimes I
encounter overprotective and controlling behavior. Some people have difficulty
separating a kind deed from the need to control. These days, this behavior is
often called co-dependency. Since blind people are presumed to be dependent,
co-dependent folks tend to flock to us and sometimes they get a big surprise!
On getting
into a car, for instance, I’ll hear: “Watch your head,” or (inside
the building) “Let me put you over here.” Excuse me, but I have managed
my head for many years. Furthermore, I am not a bag of potatoes. I am a person
with a heart, mind, body, and soul!
On the other
hand, some people are so afraid of offending me, or they cannot imagine what
to talk about with a blind person, that they avoid me. These people never get
close enough to find out much of anything about blind persons or me in general.
My daughter
and I do not have family in the city in which we live. We have sought “family”
in several churches, as I have seen sighted people do, only to find “Sunday
friends.” When I resist unnecessary help, some people have the “well
see if I help you again” attitude. When we have needed the kinds of help
which any family might need, I am often asked: “Where are your parents?”
or “Don’t they have an agency to help you people?” These reactions
are disheartening and unnecessary.
When I do behave
intelligently or skillfully, I am often seen as having “special gifts”
which make me extraordinarily spiritual—not a fact, not true! On the other
hand, I’ve been seen as trying to outshine other people to make them feel
inferior—also untrue! I’m just using alternative techniques that anyone
could use if they had good blindness training.
Now, concerning
spiritual education, this is what happened to me. I intended to receive training
to become a Licensed Spiritual Counselor several years ago, but encountered
many snags.
My then home
church was reluctant to fund me. Though my former minister and I both wrote
very intelligent, convincing letters to the school, I was told I could not attend
classes unless I had a companion or a dog (I prefer to use a cane). This was
not acceptable since the underlying assumption was that I needed a constant
caretaker. The school’s attorneys saw me as a liability—not a fact,
not true! They finally agreed to make an exception for me, but would not provide
educational materials in an accessible format for me. This was unacceptable
since I desired a solution that would give me an equal chance to participate
and succeed.
This matter
was finally put on hold since my main responsibility right now is to be employed
so that I can support my now fifteen-year-old daughter, Lynden, whom some of
you have read about in NFB publications. I am currently a reservationist with
Westin Hotels and Resorts.
It sometimes
seems that we are seldom given the opportunity to have equal input around our
inclusion. Sometimes well intended people assume that they know more than we
do about our own capabilities or needs. Often, we are not assertive enough to
insist on equal treatment since we’ve been conditioned for so many years
to stay in our ascribed role of helplessness.
But I believe
there are loving, caring, cooperative, willing, open-minded people out there
who will work with us, and have worked with us, for full inclusion. I’ve
known some of them.
As the characters
in the movie, “Angels in the Outfield” say: “It can happen!”
Most of us know that, with God, all things are possible.
I may never
become a salaried Social Worker, Spiritual Counselor, or ordained Minister,
but there are all kinds of ways for me—for us—to do our work. The
Government will not legislate it and others cannot do it for us; this is our
work to do. I am here today to help us belong on terms of equality within the
religious/spiritual community. Thank you.
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