Seeing Is Believing

Seeing Is Believing

The Posont Family: Peter and Katie, standing in

rear; Paul standing beside his parents, Donna and Larry; Betsy

seated on Donna's lap; and Ruth Anne standing in front of Larry.

Seeing Is Believing

They Told Us We Couldn't Take Care of our

Children Because We're Blind

by Lori K. Baker

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From the Editor: the following article appeared in the May

11, 1999, issue of Family Circle Magazine. Donna and Larry Posont

are leaders in the NFB of Michigan and the NFB's merchants

division. Here it is:

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It's 7:30 on a school-day morning, a hectic time for forty-

two-year-old Donna Posont. The mother of five stands at a

sizzling griddle, flipping French toast as fast as a short-order

cook. Two-and-a-half-year-old Betsy toddles to her mother, bells

jingling on her tiny shoes. "How's mama's baby?" Donna gently

coos, sprinkling cinnamon on the French toast. She whisks her

youngest into her arms, hoists her on a hip, and begins to set

the breakfast table.

As the scent of cinnamon wafts through her Dearborn Heights,

Michigan, home, Donna's sons, Peter, ten, and Paul, eight, bound

into the kitchen, followed by daughters Katie, sixteen, and Ruth

Anne, five, and husband Larry, forty-eight, a snack-bar-service

owner. "Ruthie, why don't I go to school today, and you stay

home?" teases Larry. His little girl giggles, flashing deep

dimples.

Quickly finishing breakfast, the kids are ready to dart out

the door for school. But first Donna checks how they're dressed.

"Let me see you," she tells Ruthie, running her hands over her

daughter's shirt and sweatpants. One by one, she touches her

other children's clothes and asks what they're wearing. Donna can

feel for herself if they are dressed warmly, but she and her

husband can only imagine how adorable their kids look. Donna and

Larry are both blind--and all five of their children are sighted.

"How do you do it?" friends constantly ask the couple, who

juggle two careers and run a household of active youngsters. It

takes lots of love, courage, and ingenuity, say the Posonts,

especially when you can't see what your kids are up to. "We do a

lot of careful listening," says Donna, who runs a snack bar and

vending machine service called Donna's Delights from her home.

"Sighted parents see their children going into the kitchen, but I

hear the cookie jar opening or juice pouring into a cup. I smell

toothpaste when my kids have brushed their teeth, soap when

they've washed their hands, and candy on their breath."

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Starting a Family, Facing the Fear

When Donna and Larry married nearly twelve years ago--the

second time for both--they realized they'd face unique

challenges, especially since they knew their children would be

sighted. Donna's blindness is genetic--she has retinitis

pigmentosa (RP), better known as tunnel vision, which causes a

progressive loss of sight. Donna lost her sight at age eight. To

inherit RP, typically both parents must pass on the gene. But

Larry's blindness is not genetic. His stems from scarring of the

retina, a condition brought on by being placed in a high-oxygen

incubator as a baby. Larry had limited vision in his left eye

until age sixteen when he suffered a detached retina and became

totally blind.

"We never had any doubt that we could raise a family," says

Larry. "If we had married sooner, we would have had a dozen

kids," he adds, laughing. When Donna became pregnant with son

Peter soon after their wedding, the couple were thrilled,

especially Larry. He didn't have any children from his previous

marriage, but Donna did--her daughter, Katie--and she knew the

stress and anxiety of being a blind parent all too well. "My

biggest fear was that Katie would get sick, and I wouldn't know

her temperature," Donna admits. At first she would ask a neighbor

to take Katie's temperature at the slightest hint of fever. But

she soon learned to trust her sense of touch, placing her hands

on Katie's forehead and cheeks. (These days she uses a talking

thermometer.)

Like many new mothers, Donna also lived in fear that her

baby might choke or swallow something unsafe. When Katie was

thirteen months old, Donna's worst nightmare came true. Katie had

become lethargic--almost lifeless--and she wouldn't eat. Frantic,

Donna wondered whether Katie had swallowed something dangerous.

"I was hysterical," she recalls. Donna's brother-in-law rushed

them to the emergency room, where doctors took blood tests to

rule out poisoning. After an agonizing wait, Donna overheard the

doctor phoning the lab for the test results, "The mother doesn't

know if the baby swallowed anything," he said. "She's blind."'

Tears of humiliation welled in Donna's eyes. "It just

crushed me," she says. "Suddenly I felt totally inadequate. I

started thinking, I am blind. Maybe I shouldn't be a mother."

Heartsick, Donna felt utter relief when tests showed no signs of

poisoning. Doctors later discovered Katie had a hernia, which was

making her nauseated and lethargic. After corrective surgery

Katie quickly returned to good health.

Although the terrifying episode caused Donna moments of

self-doubt, deep down she knew she was a capable mother despite

what anyone else might think.

After the birth of the Posonts' first son, Peter, in 1988, a

hospital social worker stopped by to see Donna before she and her

newborn were discharged. She asked whether Donna needed help at

home, such as rides to take the baby to the doctor. "Of course I

always need rides," replied Donna, who relies on taxicabs, buses,

and friends to get around. The social worker jotted down a few

notes and left.

A week later Donna was shocked to get a call from child

protective services. "Why are you calling us?" she asked. The

caseworker said it was a hospital referral and that she must now

come for a home visit. Donna's stomach immediately tied in a

knot. "I felt like I was on trial, and I had to prove my children

were okay," she says.

When the caseworker arrived, she asked questions about who

fed and bathed the baby and who changed diapers. She noticed

Katie, in pigtails, playing on the floor with one of her friends.

"Who braided Katie's hair?" the caseworker asked curiously. "I

did," Donna told her.

"I think she was surprised that my daughter's hair was fixed

and that another parent was allowing a blind woman to watch her

child," Donna says. Once the caseworker realized Donna took good

care of her children, she left.

Bells, Beepers, and Other Tricks of the Trade

What child protective services didn't know about the Posonts

is just how ingenious they are in handling all the day-to-day

tasks of raising youngsters. "We're like anyone else," Donna

says. "We just do things differently." While laundry for a family

of seven is a daunting task for anyone, Donna has figured out

clever ways to make it easier. (Even sighted parents could try

these tips.) She has family members fold dirty socks together;

then she pins them so they stay matched in the wash. In the

laundry room, she keeps a different basket for each person, lined

up according to age. "When the clothes come out of the dryer, I

can tell who they belong to by size and shape," Donna explains.

Donna can also maneuver through a maze of supermarket aisles

with no problem. She's memorized her grocery store's layout and

can easily shop alone. But she prefers to take a different child

with her each week. "This gives me one-on-one time with each of

them, something they find precious," Donna explains.

One thing Donna won't do is rely on her children for help

beyond their basic chores. Otherwise, she believes, it blurs the

line between a parent's role and a child's. To keep track of the

flood of mail and school papers that land on her desk, for

instance, she hires a reader to come in once a week and go

through a stack. "I'd be willing to pay Katie to do the job,"

says Donna. "But I'd never make it her responsibility."

Still family roles become confused in public, where

strangers often treat the Posont children as if they are the ones

in charge. Katie remembers well-intentioned strangers often

asking, "Aren't you Mommy's little helper?" when she was young.

"Who do they think took care of me?" says Katie. "My mom and dad

can do everything."

"It's not that strangers are trying to be rude," Larry says,

recalling similar incidents. "There's just a lot of

misconceptions and negative stereotypes about blindness."

The Posont kids' friends are equally curious about what it's

like to be raised by blind parents, say Peter and Paul, who are

often asked what they can get away with at home. To their

friends' amazement, the answer is "not much." Careful listeners,

Donna and Larry always seem to know what their kids are doing--

"Like when we're downstairs playing, and we're supposed to be in

bed," admits Paul. The eight-year-old also confesses to trying to

sneak chocolate. Then his mom will give him a kiss, smell the

chocolate on his breath, and his secret is out.

Typical boys, Peter and Paul enjoy roughhousing and playing

sports with their dad. "I spend a lot of time with my kids," says

Larry. "I want them to know how much I love them." Thanks to

clever inventions, he and his children are able to play all sorts

of games together. "We play catch with baseballs and soccer balls

that beep," says Peter. "And we shoot hoops with a basketball

with bells. We also have checkers and Scrabble in Braille." But

what amazes the boys about their dad is his uncanny ability to

bowl. "At first the kids thought they could beat me bowling,"

says Larry, laughing about a recent family outing. "Then I scored

163 on one game. When I got a strike, you could hear everyone in

the bowling alley hollering." Larry's secret? A guide rail

designed for blind bowlers, which he holds with his left hand as

he rolls the ball with his right. The kids were still impressed.

"It's amazing how he gets all those strikes," says Paul. "I

always get curb balls."

Like any proud father, Larry totes a camcorder to his

children's hockey and soccer games, school plays and musical

performances. "We want pictures of our kids, too," he says. "Not

just for us, but for our children to know they're special." But,

he admits, it's a real challenge. Sometimes kind strangers help;

other times Larry aims and hopes for the best. "I don't always

get a picture of the kids, but at least I get their voices.

Someday they'll look at these tapes and say, `My dad was blind,

but he was always there.'"

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A House Full of Love

On a recent afternoon Betsy squeals with delight as Larry

arrives home from work at 4:30 p.m. He sits on the living room

floor and quickly becomes a human jungle gym with kids crawling

all over him. "Hi, buddy," he says to Paul, playfully tousling

his son's hair. "This is one thing no one can take away from me--

the closeness I have with my children," says Larry. "Sure, it

upsets me that I'll never see my kids. But I know what their

faces look like because I've felt them, touched them, and kissed

them."

In the kitchen Donna sets the table for a crowd-pleasing

dinner of spaghetti, crescent rolls, and salad. After dinner

Peter and Paul rush out the door for hockey practice. Nowadays

Donna's biggest challenge is keeping track of her active kids'

schedules: church youth groups, hockey, cheerleading, Boy Scouts.

"It's a lot to juggle," Donna readily admits.

While Katie does her homework, Donna snuggles on the couch

with Ruthie and Betsy for story time. Nestled between her

daughters, Donna reads The Berenstein Bears Forget Their Manners-

-the girls' favorite--aloud as her fingers decipher raised dots

of Braille. Donna's Twin Vision(R) book is cleverly designed so

the blind and sighted can read together: it has transparent pages

with Braille over typical storybook pages. Hanging on to every

word, Ruthie and Betsy burst into giggles when Papa Bear forgets

his manners and Mama Bear gets after him. Much too soon it's time

for bed.

Once everyone is tucked in, the weary couple have a quiet

moment to reflect on how being raised by blind parents has shaped

their children's lives. "They don't make fun of people who are

different. They're very patient and tolerant of others'

disabilities," says Donna. "In many ways they are wise beyond

their years." That doesn't mean they miss out on typical

childhood joys. The family has been on trips to Disneyland, Six

Flags amusement parks, and different cities across the country.

Like other parents Larry and Donna dream that their children

will grow up feeling loved and become happy, healthy,

compassionate adults. "In the future I hope my children will get

scholarships, go to college, serve the Lord in their lives, and

give me lots of grandchildren," says Donna, smiling. Along with

these common wishes is a special dream: "We want our lives to

give hope and encouragement to parents of blind children. These

children can grow up to enjoy fulfilling lives with careers an

families," says Donna, a perfect example herself. "No one is

limited by blindness. We're only limited by attitude."

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