Kids Korner-Advice to Teens

Kids Korner-Advice to Teens

Future Reflections Summer 1990, Vol. 9 No. 2
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KID'S CORNER

From the Editor: The Kids Korner feature was
instituted a couple of years ago to encourage
blind children to read Future Reflections. I
believed that many of our articles were suitable
for blind youth and I wanted some way to encourage
parents and teachers to give these articles
to the kids to read. That was how the idea
for the Kids Korner was born. So far, the feature
has been successful. Sometimes we print newsletter
articles about blind youth and their accomplishments,
and sometimes we get letters
from youth that we print.
I received one such letter about a year ago. Stacy
Stom, a blind middle school student, had written
about some of her experiences in school and in
doing so had mentioned the difficulties she
sometimes had with kids who teased her and
made fun of her because of blindness. As I
thought about her letter it occurred to me to
wonder what advice blind adults would have to
offer to Stacy and other blind youth who are
teased or rejected (or feel rejected) because of
blindness.
So, I shared a copy of Stacy's letter with a few of
my blind colleagues (including a couple of college
students) and asked them to respond to
these questions: "How did you handle teasing and
cruel remarks from others when you were a blind
teen-ager?" and "What advice would you give
today's blind teen about how to cope with teasing?"
As
I had anticipated, Stacy and I received some
excellent suggestions. Here is Stacy's letter and
the responses to it from Zachery Shore, Cathy
Randall, Valerie Negri, and Eileen Rivera.
Hi. My name is Stacy Stom and I am
15 years old. I live in Worcester, Massachusetts.
I am totally blind. My eye
condition is neurofibromatosis. I have
been blind since I was two years old. I
don't remember what anything looks
like. When I was born I was premature.
My weight was two pounds and twelve
ounces.

I go to Forest Grove Middle School.
I am an eighth grader there. I like all my
teachers there. I also like going to that
school, in spite of some of the kids.
Some kids slam the door in my face,
laugh at me when I bump into something
or someone, talk about me, etc. I
have a few friends there. They stick up
for me and they sit with me at lunch.

The most friends that I made were
at Camp Wapanacki. It is a camp for
blind, visually impaired, and special
needs kids. This camp has four sessions.
The first two sessions are for
blind, visually impaired and special
needs kids. The third session is for
adults. The fourth session is for E.D.
kids (emotionally disturbed). The
camp is in Harwick, Vermont. I think it
is an awesome camp.

I keep in contact with the friends I
made there, and I also visit them once
in a while. At Camp Wapanacki, most
of the kids are Braille readers. We
cooperate and work as one, and we
have lots of fun.

I go to teen weekends that Perkins
School for the Blind provides. We go on
trips. Some of the friends I met from
camp go on these trips, too.

Sometimes it is hard to ignore some
of the remarks that kids make. When I
talk to an adult about the things that the
kids say to me, the adults tell me not to pay attention to them. They say, "Talk
is cheap and the kids don't know what
they are talking about." Sometimes they
might say that the kids take life for
granted, where I enjoy it.
Sometimes I wonder how it feels to
see. I ask some people that have sight
how it feels to see. They tell me that it
is pretty neat. Sometimes they tell me
that they envy blind people because we
can't see many horrible things that are
going on in the world today.

Sometimes I think if I had my sight
maybe, just maybe, the kids would treat
me better. But I am still happy the way
I am. Sure I get a lot of remarks, but I
am still happy.

I enjoy doing many things such as
playing the recorder, playing the piano,
making up stories, poems, and songs
and many other things.

I was thinking, "Wouldn't it be neat
if they made a car for blind people." The
car would be computerized of course.
Just imagine the expression on people's
faces when they see us!
I feel that people shouldn't make
fun of people because we're in this
together.
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Dear Stacy,
I have just read a copy of your letter to Barbara
Cheadle. I greatly admire your courage to
write about your feelings. I wish that when I was
151 had had your sensitivity and guts to talk about
blindness. Thank you for raising this extremely
important issue which faces nearly all blind teens.
As I read your letter I was reminded of my own
experiences growing up as a blind adolescent. I
am now 20 years old and will soon be a senior at
the University of Pennsylvania. Although it has
been several years since anyone has teased me
about my blindness, I can still remember those
uncomfortable and often painful times.
I did not deal well with the cruel remarks that
other kids made to me. Much of my energy was
spent trying to pretend that I could see. I used the
limited vision I had to get around without a cane.
Consequently, I would often bump into things
and other kids would laugh. Now that I have
learned to use a cane effectively I no longer have
that problem. Perhaps one of the worst times for
me was in my senior year of high school when my
girlfriend and I broke up and she started dating
another guy. I honestly believed that part of the
reason we broke up was because I couldn't see.
Like you, I often thought that if only I were
sighted I would have more friends, no one would
tease me, and my whole life would be better.
Today, Stacy, my feelings about my blindness
are completely different from what they once
were. They are different because I learned a
secret which was unknown to me when I was 15.
That secret is this: because kids will tease you
about anything if they sense that you are uncomfortable
about it (whether it is blindness, skin
color, or even the type of shoes you wear); once
you can feel good about your blindness, then
those remarks won't bother you anymore and the
kids will stop making them. Once you can feel
good about your blindness, you will find that
people will like you even more than they do now.
That has been my experience.
Stacy, are you truly comfortable being blind?
You say in your letter, "I am still happy the way I
am," but I wonder. Answer this question: if I
offered you $5 million which you could do with
as you pleased, or perfect eyesight guaranteed for
the rest of your life, which would you choose? If
you chose sight, then you probably don't feel very
good about being blind. Personally, I would take
the money and run. However, if you asked me this
question 5 years ago, I would have chosen vision
without any hesitation. When I was first asked
this question one year ago, I sold out at $100,000.
Today, there is no way I would give up that
much money just to see again. I'm not sure what
price I would pay to have my sight returned, but
I do know that the price I place on vision gets
smaller and smaller all the time. Something extremely
important has been happening to me
over the past several years. I have reached a point
where I can honestly say that I feel good about
being blind most of the time. There are still some
times when I am uncomfortable being blind, but
those times are getting fewer and fewer.
So how can you begin to feel good about being
blind? There are many ways. One way is to take
risks. By that I don't mean jumping out of an
airplane without a parachute. Rather, I believe
that if you can push yourself to do things which
will challenge you--whether it is rock climbing,
water-skiing, or simply walking to the local supermarket
by yourself--then you will begin to view
your blindness as less of a limitation and more as
a characteristic. That is because the more fears
you can overcome and the more independent you
can be, then the more you will realize that you
don't need vision to do the things you want to do
in your life.
Another way is to hang out with other blind
people who feel good about their blindness.
Their positive attitudes will rub off on you in
time. You can meet many such people through
involvement in the National Federation of the
Blind.
Those are two ways to help you feel good
about being blind which have worked for me, but
there are many ways. The bottom line is, Stacy,
you have the power to choose how you feel.
You say in your letter that you sometimes
wonder what it would be like to see. If you didn't,
I think you would not be normal. But you and I
have a choice. We can sit around and feel sorry
for ourselves, wishing and wondering how our
lives could be different, or we can accept our
blindness and choose to feel good about it as I
have chosen to do. Thank you again for having
the maturity and courage to share your feelings
with others.
Sincerely,
Zach Shore
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Dear Stacy,
My name is Cathy Randall and I am very
active in the National Federation of the Blind. I
was pleased when my good friend Barbara
Cheadle called to ask if I would be willing to write
to you and to share my experiences as a blind
teen-ager with you. I answered yes with real enthusiasm
partly because I enjoy making new
friends, but also because I really didn't know
other blind teens [when I was in school] to share troubles and joys, and with whom I could relate
as a blind person.
I was partially blind as a teen-ager due to
Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP). I lost the
remainder of my sight gradually due to continued
retinal degeneration.
I was an outgoing teen-ager, yet I sometimes
felt awkward and shy. There were times when I
felt I really didn't fit in somehow. My legal blindness
played a part in my feeling that way. I didn't
know Braille and I had never held a cane in my
hand. I realize now that some of my lack of
confidence was due to the fact that I didn't have
the skills of blindness to make school work and
mobility less difficult. I didn't know anyone who
used Braille or a cane. I tripped over curbs now
and then and occasionally fell on steps because
my depth perception was poor.
My blindness was very apparent to anyone
who looked at my eyes or who had classes with
me. My reading glasses were very thick and I had
to hold my books up to my nose or bend over my
desk to read. I had a sore neck and slumped
shoulders from bending over desks so much. My
posture was saved only because my parents kept
telling me to stand straight and keep my
shoulders back.
My mother insisted that I dress well, and she
and my girl friends helped me choose clothes.
Appearance for everyone is important, but a
blind person's appearance, I feel, is doubly important.
If you dress neatly and are well groomed,
you win the respect of others.
I wasn't taunted about my blindness or called
"four-eyes" much beyond grade school. I was a
real tom-boy, and our resource room was in a
grade school with some tough boys who taught
me how to fight. Luckily, I didn't have to do so
past grade school.
I found my extracurricular nitch in journalism
in junior high and served as feature editor for
both my junior and senior high newspapers. The
days we proofread galley sheets from the printer
I looked like a chimney sweep with ink smudges
on my nose and cheeks.
In your letter you spoke of having friends you
always eat lunch with at school. Do you do things
with them on weekends? If not, why not plan
weekend get-togethers with them. Ask them to
shop with you or invite them for a slumber party.
You also wrote about being teased when you
run into people in school. Do you use a cane?
Nudging someone with a cane is not at all like
literally running into them.
Joining and becoming actively involved in the
student division of the National Federation of the
Blind is the most important single thing you can
do to make more blind friends all over the United
States.
Order back issues of the student division's
publication, The Student Slate. By reading the The Student Slate, Future Reflections, and the Braille Monitor (the monthly magazine produced
by the N.F.B.) you will expand your understanding
of blindness and make many new friends
in the process. You will learn that it is respectable
to be blind.
Sincerely,
Cathy Randall
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Dear Stacy,
I am Valerie Negri and have been totally blind
since birth. I am now a sophomore at Saint Xavier
College In Chicago.
Let me begin by assuring you that you aren't
the only one who has had to deal with this situation.
Although it is painful and embarrassing,
there are ways to minimize jeering and to survive
it.
When I was in grade school I too was a target
of some students' cruel remarks and nasty pranks
on account of my blindness. Fortunately, I had a
good relationship with my teachers who explained
to me that those who make fun of others
do so because they are insecure. Bullying others
makes them feel powerful.
So as hard as it was for me, I did my best to
not let those who teased me get my goat. When
the kids saw that calling me "Blind Bat" and trying
to trip me didn't make me outwardly angry, they
lost interest in doing things like that to me. I
suggest that when you bump into something and
it makes everybody around you go into hysterics,
try to act as nonchalant about it as you can (as
tough as that might be). In a situation like that, I
would casually say "Oops, wasn't watching where
I was going." By laughing at my own mistakes I
showed the kids that it wasn't a big deal. This
helped to stop the taunting.
When I entered high school I was relieved that
much of this nonsense ended. But I had another
problem to deal with. At my private high school
there were many cliques, and I was not accepted
into any of them. The reason was that the "in"
crowd thought that my blindness made me different
from them (in spite of my greatest efforts
to prove that blindness really isn't such a big
deal).
But I also noticed that these popular kids
rejected anyone who was in in any way different
from themselves. If someone didn't wear the
right clothes or hair style, was too caught up with
doing well in school or in extracurricular activities,
or had some other characteristic that the
snobs felt was uncool, she was excluded from the
clique.
Now I thought that earning good grades was
important, and that being in school musicals,
being a National Honor Society member, and
participating in the Students Against Substance
Abuse group was fun, so I was doubly unpopular.
Although I wanted to be hip (just as most kids
do), I had to decide who was going to run my
life -- me or the opinions of a group of people that
I would probably never see again after I finished
high school. I told myself that I was going to be
the person that I wanted to be and I was going to
act as I thought I should act.
Stacy, it was hard not being in the "in group"
during high school; but now I'm glad that I stuck
to my guns. I had many friends who were also
excluded from the clique because they didn't
wear enough designer clothes and refused to put
others down. You know, Stacy, those so-called
"rejects" are some of the best friends I will ever
have. I was once asked by a popular kid why I
would "lower myself to hang around with such
geeks. My answer was quite simple: "Because
these people are real friends. They don't like me
because of the clothes I wear or the money I have.
They like me because of who I am and that is what
I think true friends are."
Stacy, the best advice I can give you is to be
proud of who you are and to stand up for what
you believe in. I'm glad you have so much fun
with your friends, so continue to have fun with
them and ignore those who try to put you down.
Don't ever forget (as we say in the National
Federation of the Blind) that it is respectable to
be blind; because if you believe that, even though
it's hard sometimes, you'll be able to face the
challenges that come your way.
Sincerely,
Valerie Negri
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Dear Stacy,
I am so happy to have the chance to respond
to your letter! We each have different talents and
interests and each of us has become blind
through differing circumstances; nevertheless,
we share numerous experiences encountered as
we grow up blind in this sighted world.
Middle school years are awkward years for
almost everyone, blind or sighted. The average
middle school has an odd assortment of students
none quite perfect. There are those who are
especially short, and those who are markedly
plump, and others whose complexion leaves
something to be desired. Students are pegged as
"outsiders" when they are too smart, too dumb,
too rich, or too poor. I'm sure you can see that
the majority of kids in school are tagged with
some label underscoring their differences.
Stacy, you and I both bear the label of blind. But we also have the power to define whether or
not this needs to be a negative label. Start by
taking inventory.
Could the source of the teasing stem from
something other than blindness? Evaluate your
personal appearance. This may seem superficial,
but remember, we live in a sighted world. Blind
people who pay special attention to hairstyle,
clothing, and physical fitness seem to command
more respect. A smart appearance sends a clear
message: "Hey, I care about myself; you should
care too!"
Still, even the most attractive blind persons
can become the center of teasing if they lack the
essential skills of blindness. Are your blindness
skills all that you wish they were? Have you
learned to travel with a white cane? Do you use
it at school? Well-trained cane travelers rarely
bump into things and people.
If you would like to better prepare yourself for
success in your future, I encourage you to learn
about the fine orientation centers made possible
through the National Federation of the Blind.
These centers not only teach the vital skills of
blindness, they build confidence and challenge
the blind to set and achieve higher goals. They
also prepare students to be their own advocates
in daily interactions with the sighted world.
One thing that I have learned is that successful
blind persons make friends with the sighted.
Work on making more friends. Listen to others,
ask them about themselves. It's a fact--all people
like to talk about themselves.
Average teenagers are probably a little wary
of socializing with a blind person. This is mostly
because they are afraid of blindness. You may be
the first blind person that your classmates have
ever met. You will need to reach out a little more
to help them understand that you're just an ordinary
teen that enjoys the same activities as they
do. It takes a little more effort on our part, but it
is well worth it.
Spend more time with others. Invite
classmates over to your house to bake cookies, or
play games. By spending time with you, they can
learn how your alternative techniques work. Invite
your classmates to outings such as to the mall,
for pizza, or to a movie. They may not know that
blind people enjoy movies too.
Go to your school dances and join some after
school clubs. This way you can meet others who
share your interests. Run for club office. You
could serve as club secretary using Braille to take
meeting minutes. You could even run for club
president, if you like.
Each of us develops an assortment of techniques
to deal with ignorant comments. One is to
simply ignore them. This is okay if the comment
comes from someone you will never need to
interact with again. When a comment comes
from a classmate or teacher it's more important
to take action and educate the offender.
A smart response might surprise them and
make them think. Humor is good, but never at
the expense of degrading yourself. Blind people
aren't the only ones who bump into things when
they aren't paying attention!
Consider making a class presentation about
blindness. Keep handy copies of the NFB
brochure: "Do you know a blind person." It gives
lots of handy hints on interacting with the blind.
Impress your classmates; arrange for a blind
professional to speak to your class.
It's hard to cover all the pointers in a single
letter. Fellowship with successful blind persons
is the best way I know to keep learning new ways
of dealing with the awkward situations we encounter
as blind persons. I have found such mentors
through the National Federation of the
Blind. Good mentors advise and challenge us.
They don't let us hide behind our blindness. They
want us to be all that we can be!
Sincerely,
Eileen Rivera
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